


Confusion, Confessions, and the Cop - Rikers

by blackchaps



Series: Three C's [1]
Category: Law & Order: SVU, Oz (TV)
Genre: Addiction, Children, M/M, Prison, Pédophiles, Self-Harm, Shanks - Freeform, Stubborn Men, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-04
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-11-08 19:03:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11087967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackchaps/pseuds/blackchaps
Summary: Toby is struggling to survive in Rikers when fate throws him a lifeline.





	Confusion, Confessions, and the Cop - Rikers

Rikers  
*****

Elliot slowly shook his head, not in denial, but disbelief. "That has got to be the worst idea I‛ve heard in all my years."

"Letting Munch make coffee was worse." Fin tilted his head to the side. "I‛d go, but I ain‛t got the goods to get it done."

Cragen sighed heavily. "It‛s been approved, but I‛m not going to ask you."

"As if that makes a difference." Elliot got to his feet. He wasn‛t going to make a snap decision. "I need a minute."

"Take thirty," Cragen said. "Fin, get Munch and start backtracking this guy. I want to know where he‛s been and how many he‛s left behind."

"On it." Fin went out the door quickly, but Elliot lagged behind.

"Your choice." Cragen didn‛t look right at him. Elliot went to his desk to review the case again. He should‛ve snapped no instantly, but it was too important of a case. There were too many devastated children that needed him to put this right. If he could.

*********

"Tobias, I hoped what they were saying about you was an exaggeration."

Toby looked down at his hands and studied his nails. They were broken and cracked, like him. He giggled softly.

"At least talk to me. Something, anything!"

Toby twisted his ring finger. She smiled, moved closer, and put her hand on his knee. He didn‛t like it, but it didn‛t matter.

"Tell me what you‛re feeling."

Toby tilted his head to the side and bit his lower lip. She was to blame, but not in her mind, and she thought he was nuts. He laughed softly. It had all been so stupid. They were all dead.

"Completely unresponsive. He‛s on Paxil, but I don‛t think it‛s helping."

"He had a break once before, but that was drug-related. Is he clean?"

"According to his piss test, he is. Sister Pete, he‛s not functioning in our reality any longer. I thought seeing you might snap him out of it, but I don‛t think he even knows you‛re here."

"He knows." She sighed. "He doesn‛t care. Make sure his cellmate won‛t threaten him. He‛s dangerous. More than he looks."

"No one wants to bunk with him. They‛re all scared."

Toby got up and went to the window. He leaned his forehead against it and shut his eyes. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

"Stop him!"

*********

Elliot had been worried that he wouldn‛t feel like a skel and make some rookie mistake, but after the strip search that faded away. Anger, dismay, and a general sense that he was in way over his head all combined to give him an attitude that was nasty enough. More than half the men on the bus with him looked scared shitless anyway.

"All right! Move your asses!"

Elliot did what he was told, but he didn‛t hurry. Processing wasn‛t going anywhere. He ignored the pushes from COs. It was the other inmates that he had to worry about, and it wasn‛t until he was in the shower that he had a problem.

"Marine, huh?"

"Yeah." Elliot felt as if he needed ten pairs of eyes.

"Bunch of damn pussies, losing one war after another." The guy checked him out. "What‛re you here for?"

Elliot spotted the swastika. "Raping Nazis until they cried for their mommas." He flashed his grin, ducked the fist, and made sure his one shot counted. _Semper Fi._

"Break it up!"

Elliot put up his hands. "Didn‛t touch him." He smiled and kept moving. This wasn‛t his idea of a paid vacation, but he‛d enjoyed that.

"Whichever one of those dickheads is Greg Elliot, get him moving to the perv unit!"

*********

"I heard there‛s new fish arriving today."

"Fuckers will have to bunk with Crazy Toby."

Toby rolled his chicken nugget in his hands until it was a ball of mush and then ate it. He wasn‛t worried about fish.

"Five bucks says he bites."

"Nah, he‛ll make monkey noises and hang from the bars. Then he‛ll bite."

"Gonna be fun to watch."

*********

"Put him with Crazy Toby!"

Elliot couldn‛t wait to meet his cellie.

"Ain‛t a good idea," the CO said during the walk. "If you want to sleep on the floor in another cell, just ask."

Elliot shrugged. "The floor?"

"Trust me." The CO pointed with his nightstick. "That cell. Remember the rules."

"Got it." Elliot made sure his toilet paper didn‛t roll away. He met everyone‛s eyes without blinking and didn‛t rush. There he was - asswipe. Hewitt Dorsey. With a name like a geek and a face to match, he was never suspected of diddling with their children, but he did, and all they‛d been able to get him on was one count of custodial interference. He‛d be out in six months. Elliot wanted to go punch him in the mouth, but maybe he could get away with that later. There ought to be some perks to this shit job.

"Watch out for your nuts."

Elliot thought that was good advice. He went in the cell door. It was a small area: two concrete bunks, one sink, one toilet, a mirror with a shelf and nothing else. Throwing his stuff on the bottom bunk, he didn‛t wonder where his crazy cellmate was. All that mattered was getting the job done and getting out of here.

"Hey! Crazy Toby! Good news! You got fish!"

Elliot forgot about making his bunk and waited for it. This entire cell block was nothing but degenerates and pervs, so Crazy Toby had to be the worst of the bunch. Blue eyes met his and he put his hands on his hips.

"Greg Elliot, you?" It didn‛t hurt to start off somewhat polite.

Crazy Toby tilted his head to the side, rubbed his eyes, and looked at him again. His mouth opened, shut, smiled, and Elliot began to worry. The guy didn‛t look crazy. No drool or anything, but there was a gleam in his eye that made Elliot‛s cop instincts itchy.

"Get him, Toby!"

Elliot didn‛t take his eyes off him. Crazy Toby tossed his book on his bunk and giggled. He turned away and then back and then sank down to the floor, laughing. It wasn‛t funny. It was creepy. Elliot noticed the men watching.

"Five bucks says he doesn‛t make it one night."

"I‛ll take that."

Elliot made his bunk but kept an eye on the hysterical man on the floor. Tears were flowing down his face, and he was still laughing.

"What the fuck?" The CO looked disgusted. "Shit. I ain‛t got time to deal with this. Lock down in thirty minutes!" He glared at Crazy Toby. "Elliot, move now or stay in all night."

"Maybe tomorrow," Elliot said. He wasn‛t scared of giggling, but if he could work his way into Dorsey‛s cell, he would. The laughing was starting to get to him so he leaned over and slapped Crazy Toby lightly on the face. "Hey, shut up, okay?"

Crazy Toby roared up off the floor and got right in Elliot‛s face. Their blue eyes clashed and Elliot leaned into it. He nearly slapped the hand that tentatively came up, but all Crazy Toby did was touch him gently between the eyes and turn away. Elliot watched him crawl up on his bunk and open his book.

"That‛s it?" That guy needed a life. "Fuck!"

Everyone laughed but Elliot. He took a deep breath and made his bunk, putting his few personal items on the shelf. When he glanced at Crazy Toby, they shared another long look. The guy sat up and pointed at his arm.

Elliot showed off his Marine tat. "You got one?"

Crazy Toby grinned and pointed at his ass. Elliot did not want to see it. He went to stand by the door. Dorsey was whispering with some other guy, and Elliot watched without making it obvious.

"What‛re ya here for?"

Elliot glanced at some guy who‛d strolled over. "Ain‛t bragging about it."

"Baby raper, huh? That‛s all they put on this block. Baby rapers, baby killers, and we‛re all innocent. Just ask any of us."

"No thanks," Elliot growled. He hooked his thumb at his cellmate. "Crazy Toby?"

"Killed a kid. Fucker is crazy. It ain‛t an act. Word is he bit some guy‛s dick off." The guy shuddered. "I believe it."

Elliot did too. He‛d sleep lightly tonight. "Greg Elliot."

"John Seaborn. Everyone calls me Seaby. Dunno why." Seaby shrugged. "You got a nick?"

"Nope." Elliot didn‛t think he wanted one. "So, you‛re innocent, huh?"

"Bet your ass. She looked twenty." Seaby rubbed his crotch. "Or not a day over twelve."

"Lock down! Lock down!" A horn rang and saved Seaby from a bloody nose. Elliot got away from the door as it slid shut with a clang. He felt filthy. He‛d known what he was doing, but that had just brought it out into the glaring light. He was in a cell block surrounded by men that he‛d like to kill, all of them.

**********

Toby saw the anger, the clench of the fist, and the jaw. Chris was angry again. Someone was going to die. Someone always did, but Toby wasn‛t worried. It wouldn‛t be him.

"Don‛t give me any trouble tonight," Chris growled at him.

Toby put his book down. He felt like he should say something, but he wasn‛t sure what, and words didn‛t come easily anymore. "I missed you," he muttered very softly, slurring all the words together into one big pile. He hadn‛t, but Chris would like hearing it. Chris had been dead. Dead. Dead. Dead.

"Yeah, okay, stop it!" Chris grabbed the book. "Now. What did you say?"

Toby rubbed his forehead and pushed his back at the wall. He didn‛t know what he‛d said, but Chris was really mad now. That was bad. Toby rubbed his eyes and didn‛t understand why the scar on his forehead was gone.

"Look, my name is Greg Elliot," Chris said. "Let‛s not fight, okay?"

Toby looked at the tat that was all wrong again. Suddenly, it came to him. Chris was still dead. This was his brother. Poor Chris. So dead. Toby looked down at his hands. He‛d done it. He hadn‛t, but he had, and now Chris‛s brother would kill him. That‛s how it worked. Vern had taught him that. An eye for an eye until no one could see a damn thing and tripped over the pile of bodies. Bodies. Those Nazis sure were dead. Toby laughed. He was glad about that.

"Here." Chris tossed the book back to him. Toby wrapped his arms around it. He licked his lips and wished he weren‛t crazy. Chris unbuttoned his blue shirt, tossing it aside. The crucifix slammed into Toby‛s eyes and he whimpered. Chris was dead? Elliot was Chris‛s brother? Toby curled up and put the pillow on his head. Nothing made sense any more.

********

"Mr. Beecher, this is Sister Peter Marie Riemondo."

Angus felt his heart clench. "Is Toby dead?"

"No, no!" Sister Pete seemed to take a deep breath. "But I am very concerned about him. May I inquire as to the status of his legal case?"

Angus took a shallow breath. He was worried also, but there was only so much he could do on this side of the bars. "The state dropped the manslaughter charges. There was conflicting testimony from eyewitnesses, even the guards."

"Honestly, I‛m surprised." Sister Pete sounded it. "Tobias was certain they‛d pursue murder charges against him."

"They tried." Angus wasn‛t going to discuss the details, but Toby had a good lawyer and that made all the difference. "He‛ll stay at Rikers at least until his next parole hearing."

"I guess he won‛t be coming back to Oz."

"Not if I have anything to do with it. I‛ve had that blocked once and I will again if necessary." Angus wasn‛t going to allow them to send his brother back to that death trap. "Now. What‛s your concern?"

"His mental health."

Angus couldn‛t do anything about that. He prayed nightly that it was an act, nothing but a way to keep the other inmates at bay. It had to be. "I share those concerns, but the officials at Rikers claim they‛re doing all they can."

"I‛m sure they are." Sister Pete sighed. "Well, thank you. I‛ll try to see him when I can." And she hung up. Angus put down the phone slowly. He had no grounds to ask for an early parole hearing. If only there was a way.

*********

Elliot knew he‛d slept, but it didn‛t feel like it when the lights snapped on and a horn blared. He rubbed the grit from his eyes and put his feet on the floor. "Shit!"

Crazy Toby didn‛t flinch. He didn‛t move either from his spot on the floor right next to Elliot‛s bunk. Sitting cross-legged with a strange look on his face, he made Elliot‛s blood run cold.

"You need something?" Elliot was glad to be alive, and he understood why men preferred the floor to sharing a cell with this screwball.

Crazy Toby reached and Elliot once again nearly smacked him, but something held him back. Elliot watched him rub down the side of the mattress. Crazy Toby smiled. Elliot felt there and met those crazy eyes.

"Yours?" Elliot wasn‛t thrilled about it, but he sure as hell couldn‛t turn it in to the guards. Crazy Toby shook his head and pointed at Elliot. That was clear enough. "Uh, thanks?"

"Get your asses to breakfast!"

"Damn, they‛re polite here," Elliot muttered, reaching for his pants. Crazy Toby giggled. He probably did a lot of that. The nutball was on his feet, and he seemed to be waiting. Elliot splashed some water on his face, grabbed his shirt, and got moving. Crazy Toby could show him the routine.

*********

Toby put his hand on Chris‛s thigh and squeezed.

"What?" Chris hissed.

Toby pointed, but not overtly. He met Chris‛s eyes and shook his head.

Chris looked again. "Avoid him?"

Toby nodded. He wasn‛t scared, but he also didn‛t want to bleed out his ass again.

"Why?"

Toby stuck his finger in his fist and cringed. Chris narrowed his eyes. He got it. Toby put his orange in his pocket for later and waited for Chris to finish.

"I won thirty bucks off you!"

Chris smiled. "He ain‛t that bad." He laughed. "Hey, Seaby, I need a punk. Who‛s the best in our block?"

Toby could only stare in disbelief.

Seaby laughed and sat down. "Crazy Toby will bite the fuck out of you, so skip him. Um, hell, Dorsey, that guy, I guess, if you can talk him into it."

"No shit?" Chris didn‛t look over at Dorsey. "He looks like a bowl of pudding."

"I think that‛s why guys like him." Seaby was a scumbag. Toby hated him. He‛d raped a little girl and bragged about it nearly every day.

"Guards care?"

"Not one shit. As long as no one is screaming, they‛re good with it. We move from cell to cell whenever we want."

Toby threw his milk on Seaby. Chris got in between them, and the guards started pushing and yelling. Toby crawled under a table and wrapped his arms around his legs. Chris was looking for a bitch, already, and he would find one, and it would all start over again. Toby put his forehead on his knees and tried not to cry. He couldn‛t do it again, but he would. He would.

*********

"Elliot! How are you?"

"Good," Elliot said, but he wasn‛t feeling it. He shifted the phone to his other ear. "You coming to see me?"

"You bet." Olivia was chirpy. It was annoying. "Are you staying out of trouble?"

"Does a brawl at breakfast count?" Elliot grumbled, glaring at Crazy Toby, who was standing too close for comfort and had started the damn thing.

"Don‛t get sent to Ad Seg. Your father will be furious."

"I know." Elliot sighed. He had to pass on some information and it was hard with all the people around. "I‛m making some friends. This place may not be too bad."

"I‛m glad to hear it." Olivia paused. "Be careful."

"I am." Elliot gave up. He‛d mention it when he saw her. "Anything on that end?"

"Working. Staying busy. Your brother, John, is out of town on a job, but he says it‛s not worth it so he‛ll be home soon."

"Shit." Elliot had been hoping that Munch would turn up something. "Kiss the kids for me, okay?"

"Will do." Olivia hung up first, and Elliot got out of the way for the next guy. Crazy Toby walked with him back towards the cell.

Elliot waited until after he pissed, but then he rounded on him. "Look. Don‛t follow me everywhere. You‛re freaking me out."

Crazy Toby licked his lips. He stepped closer and put his hand on Elliot‛s arm. "Mbitch."

Elliot stared. The words had been so soft and strung together that all he‛d caught was the last word. "You want to be my bitch?"

The whimper was loud and clear. Elliot shoved him away. Crazy Toby fell right down and didn‛t try to get up. He lay curled up like a small child. Elliot nearly pulled out his hair at the guilt that struck him. He didn‛t have time to give a damn about some messed up baby killer.

"Shit." Elliot leaned over and pulled him to his feet. "Toby, get a damn grip, man."

Toby shivered, and Elliot helped him sit on the bunk.

"Hey, Elliot."

Elliot whipped around to see Dorsey standing in the door. "What the hell do you want?"

Dorsey shrugged, looking at Toby. "He‛s fucked in the head."

"Sure does seem that way." Elliot moved in closer. He had to play it just right. "Dorsey, huh?"

"That‛s me." Dorsey smirked and looked him up and down. "Got an itch?"

Elliot had to swallow some vomit, but he managed a rough grin. "If you ain‛t pining for some six year old, yeah."

Dorsey shrugged. "This isn‛t about that shit. You got something for me?" And he rubbed his nose.

"I can work on it." Elliot had no idea where he was going to score drugs, and he hoped he didn‛t have to, but he was willing to do almost anything to keep this slimeball off the street. He crossed his arms and leaned against the bars. "You getting out soon?"

"Half a year." Dorsey smiled now, and it was a terrible thing. "Back in business soon. You?"

"Doing five to ten." Elliot dug out the straw he‛d saved and stuck it in his mouth. He chewed it for a few seconds. "Sucks."

Toby was suddenly next to him. Dorsey laughed. "Get Crazy Toby to suck your dick in the meantime." He went away laughing. Elliot cursed, but didn‛t move. That hadn‛t gone too bad. He glanced at his crazy cellmate. Toby looked at Elliot‛s groin.

"Don‛t even think it."

Toby laughed softly. He was too close, but Elliot wasn‛t going to push him down again. He didn‛t need the guilt.

"You kill some kid?"

Toby nodded slowly and made a motion like he was driving a car. Elliot rubbed his hand down his face. He was bunking with a lunatic drunk. If he were honest, it could be worse. He‛d have probably killed Seaby by now.

"You getting out?"

"Dunno," Toby said quietly. At least that‛s what Elliot thought the nutball said. Elliot sighed and watched Dorsey work the cell block. Dorsey‛s best buddy was some asswipe named Tucker, and Elliot would get him interrogated and transferred as soon as possible.

"This place is damn dull," Elliot grumbled.

Toby tugged him on the arm and made a motion. Elliot shrugged and followed him.

*********

Toby didn‛t understand why Chris wanted a blowjob from Dorsey. Dorsey was ugly, and he couldn‛t suck worth shit. Of course, Chris was new. He might not know that he‛d have to give Dorsey tits to get anything. Toby would hate to have to kill Dorsey, but it wasn‛t a problem, now that Chris was here.

"Weight room, huh? Good idea. Maybe you ain‛t so crazy." Chris smiled, and Toby lost his ability to think. Pretty. Still. He smiled back and worked out with him, hoping there was a shower in their future. Wet Chris. Toby wiped his mouth and went to spot him. _Yeah._

*********

"Sister, I‛m not authorizing another trip to Rikers. Forget it," Querns snapped.

Sister Pete narrowed her eyes. "I‛ll go on my own time."

"Then you‛re fired. You have enough screwed up convicts here to deal with. Beecher was always crazy. Turn it loose."

"He‛s my patient." Sister Pete had hoped for a better outcome from this conversation.

"He was your patient. Are you telling me there aren‛t competent shrinks at Rikers?" Querns laughed and leaned back in his chair. "I didn‛t think so. Forget him. Fucker got away with murder."

Sister Pete knew she had lost. She satisfied herself with slamming the file cabinet drawer as Querns strutted out of her office. She‛d curse at him, but he was beneath her, damn it. Poor Tobias.

*********

"Crazy Toby! Get your meds and head to the shrink!"

Elliot heard Toby groan. "Don‛t want to go?"

Toby ran his fingers through his wet hair. He stepped out of the cell, and they both heard, "Put on a fucking shirt, loser!"

Elliot threw it at him. "Hey, I forget sometimes too."

"Sabunfulagacocksuckers."

"Cocksuckers, got it." Elliot wished the guy would speak up. Mumbling was almost as bad as those spooky eyes and that weird vein on his forehead. Elliot smoothed his hair down and spotted the book on Toby‛s bunk. He picked it up and checked out the title. _Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking._ He didn‛t bother to open it. Toby was either crazy smart or just crazy, no telling which. It didn‛t matter. He wasn‛t part of the job.

"Elliot! Some cards?"

"Yeah! Give me a sec!" Elliot buttoned his shirt and went to play cards. It was time to find out exactly who was doing what in this cellblock.

*********

Toby spit the meds out as soon as he was out of sight. He didn‛t need that shit. Stupid. The shrink gave him that look, and he sat down.

"How are you today, Toby?"

Toby knew the shrink had him watched.

"I heard you have a new cellmate, and you seem to like him. Good for you. I‛m proud of you."

Toby twisted his middle finger. Stupid fucker. This was the dumbest part of his week. He let his head roll back and stared at the ceiling. It‛d end. It always did. The shrink would talk until he got tired. Toby finally slumped down to the floor and put his head on his knees. No matter what he said, it would be the wrong thing. He hadn‛t spoken a word at this stupid place until Chris had showed up.

"So, you like Greg Elliot? Is he nice to you?"

Toby looked at him. One glance and then he went back to staring at his shoes. Elliot was Chris. Chris was Elliot. They might kill him, for revenge, but he didn‛t care. For that smile, he‛d go down without complaining.

"Toby, don‛t hurt Elliot, okay? Promise me."

Toby laughed and then giggled. He couldn‛t hurt Chris. Death couldn‛t kill Chris. Toby didn‛t have a chance. He lay down on the floor and laughed.

"Take him back to his cell. Did he take his meds?"

"I gave it to him."

Toby didn‛t fight as he was pulled up and pushed back towards his cellblock. He stopped laughing and walked. The worst part of the week was over, and he had a new book. It wasn‛t all bad. And Chris might smile at him again.

"Hey, Crazy, you gonna suck Elliot‛s dick?"

Toby stopped to look at Seaby. Seaby licked his lips and rubbed his dick. "Suck it."

"Toby! You gonna play cards with us?" Chris yelled.

Toby slapped Seaby across the face, open-handed, a real bitch slap. The whole place started laughing, and Toby kicked him in the nuts for good measure. The CO grabbed Toby by the shirt and marched him to his cell.

"That‛s fucking enough! Stay in your cell until lock down!"

Toby saw his book had been moved, and he crawled up to hold it tight. Seaby was still howling and it mixed with laughter. No one gave a damn. Toby hated them all. Stupid fuckers.

*********

Elliot laughed with the rest of them. Seaby was scum, and Toby had put him down hard.

"I‛m gonna kill that fucker!" Seaby gasped out every word, still holding his balls.

Elliot got up and casually shoved him down. It was easy. "I like him. You suck."

Dorsey caught Elliot by the arm. "You really one of us?"

"Ain‛t got pictures." Elliot scowled at him. "I didn‛t tape it like some idiots do."

"Best way to remember." Dorsey bit his lower lip. Elliot let him think. He suddenly smiled. "You got trophies?"

Elliot shrugged and pulled his arm away. "Cops always find them. I had a small fire when things got dicey."

Dorsey slowly nodded. "Yeah." He sat back down at the game. "Got you on statutory, didn‛t they?"

"Yer the wiseguy." Elliot stepped over Dorsey and went to see what Toby was doing. Dorsey was smart, and he knew all the tricks, and getting it out of him would be damn hard. Toby was reading, but he looked at him. Elliot pissed and washed his hands. "Have fun getting shrunk?"

Toby made a noise like a fart. Elliot laughed. He felt the same way about shrinks. Toby laughed with him.

"You staying or moving?" The CO stopped to ask.

"Staying." Elliot didn‛t trust Dorsey not to shank him. "Okay, Toby?"

Toby nodded and went back to his book. The CO shook his head and started walking. Elliot sat down on his bunk, stretched, and yawned. It was only five, but he was tired. "Good workout today. You didn‛t look that strong."

Toby didn‛t answer, and Elliot didn‛t take it personally. He had a feeling there was a lot more going on behind those blue eyes than he wanted to know. "You been in prison, what? Five years? Ten?"

Toby tapped him on the head and held up seven fingers. He went back to his book. Elliot wondered why Toby just didn‛t talk. The guy obviously could. Elliot eased up and put his hand on Toby‛s leg. It was a risk, but he‛d take it.

"Talk to me. Don‛t hide. You ain‛t no punk. This place can‛t beat you." Elliot saw the spark in blue eyes and pulled his hand away. "Talk!"

Toby leaned closer. "No one listens," he whispered. He touched Elliot right between the eyes. Elliot moved back and searched for something to say. The guy had a point. In prison, no one gave a crap about anyone but themselves. It was the only way to get out alive. Elliot couldn‛t afford to give a damn either. He had to find something to use against Dorsey and then get back to his family, his job, his life, such as it was.

"Lock down in thirty minutes!"

Elliot got out of there. He‛d go find somewhere to be until they made him stay locked up for twelve hours. Two days and he was stir crazy. Seven years? He‛d be nuts too.

*********

"Olivia, can you handle this?"

"Of course." Olivia didn‛t look worried. "I‛m his stupid wife. I can do it with my eyes closed."

Cragen hoped so. Someone was always watching in prison. "Take him something nice, like food, and call as soon as you‛re out."

Olivia nodded. "Will do. Don‛t worry."

"Right." Cragen watched her leave. He wasn‛t as sure about this as he had been a week ago. "John, don‛t stop looking."

"I won‛t."

*********

Toby pulled Holly into his lap and held her tight. She was laughing and talking so fast. He kissed her on the cheek. "Love you," he said softly.

*********

Elliot kissed Olivia on the mouth. "Baby! Damn! I need a conjugal!"

Olivia looked stunned for one second and then sat down fast. She put a box down between them. "Elliot, not here."

"How ‛bout over there?" Elliot grinned. "You still love me, don‛t ya?"

"Of course!" Olivia said brightly. Elliot started rummaging through the box, pleased to find gum and toothpicks and a car magazine. She leaned close. "You okay?"

"Yep." Elliot rubbed his hand up her thigh. He could almost feel her cringing. "You gonna divorce me?"

"No, baby. Never. You were innocent. Everyone knew it." She smiled stupidly at him. "Got anything for me?"

Elliot grinned. He dug a letter out of his back pocket and put it down the front of her shirt. "For the kids, okay?"

"Okay. Your dad is a big help there." Olivia fiddled with her shirt.

"Tell him everything is good. My cellmate, Crazy Toby, is a good guy." Elliot meant that, but he knew she‛d think it was a lie. "I‛ll be out sooner than you think."

Olivia nodded and kept that dumb smile on her face. "Call me more often. I miss you," she whined.

"Will do. Phone is restricted if we screw up." Elliot knew they were about out of time, so he pulled her closer and made out with her enough to impress the guys that were watching. When time was called, he kissed her again, grabbed his box, and went out with a wave. She looked stunned. He tried not to laugh about it.

"Man, your wife has great tits!"

"Yeah, I know." Elliot hadn‛t really noticed his partner‛s rack, but it might be true. "You get anything good?"

"Some fucking socks. Bitch."

Elliot saw Toby in the hall and hurried to catch up with him. Tears were streaming down Toby‛s face, and Elliot couldn‛t help but throw his arm around him. "Ah, shit, Toby."

"Yeah," Toby said very softly. He wiped his face and leaned into him. Elliot saw two guys point and whisper. It would be all over the cellblock in five minutes. Toby sniffed and pulled away, but it was too late. Visitation was late in the day and they had maybe fifteen minutes before lock down. Elliot let them search his box again and then took it to the cell. Toby was already there, washing his face.

"Come on. I got candy." Elliot knew he shouldn‛t share, but it might all be stolen tomorrow anyway. He sat on his bunk and got the magazine out first.

Toby gingerly sat down across from him. "They‛ll steal that. Hide it."

"I‛ll be damned. You didn‛t mumble!" Elliot grinned, but this time it was real. He put the magazine under his pillow and tossed Toby a candy bar. "You get anything?"

Toby pulled some pictures out of his pocket, but he didn‛t turn them loose. He flipped through them, showing them off one at a time. Elliot paid attention. Toby had a daughter and a son, and they were good-looking kids. He put the pictures away carefully and picked up the candy.

"Cute kids." Elliot had to say something. "Most guys cover the wall with pics."

"I‛ve only been here three months."

Elliot barely made out the words. Toby was almost mumbling again. He took a bite of chocolate, and Elliot let him chew before asking, "Where before this?"

"Oz."

One word and it almost made Elliot hug him again. "Tough place."

"So much death."

At least Elliot thought that‛s what Toby said. Instead of talking, he ate his candy and shuffled through the rest of the treats, handing some over and keeping others. Oswald was the worst prison on the East Coast. A white guy like Toby wouldn‛t last five minutes without being made into someone‛s bitch. It was probably why his tattoo was on his ass. Elliot swallowed hard.

"Hey, got any for me?" Dorsey leaned against the door.

Elliot tossed him something. "Taking candy from a baby."

Dorsey laughed and tucked it away. "Crazy Toby is finally getting his cherry plucked. We‛re all waiting to hear how tight he is."

"Crazy Toby spent the last seven in Oz, ya idiot." Elliot found something he didn‛t like and threw it to Dorsey. "I try to bang him, he‛ll shank me before I get my pants down."

Toby collected his stuff and crawled up top. He gave Dorsey a short glare but didn‛t say anything.

"Oz? I‛ll be damned. Fucker should have said so. No wonder he‛s a fucking loony toon." Dorsey grinned. "Bet he can suck cock like a pro. Trained by the baddest dudes New York has to offer."

Elliot didn‛t want to think about it. "You get any porn?"

"Nah."

"Lock down! Lock down!"

Dorsey scooted back to his cell, and Elliot was glad. The guy was rotten to the core and already making plans to seduce more kids when he got out. Elliot wasn‛t going to allow that to happen, and the only question in his mind was how far exactly he was willing to go. He slid his hand over the shank again and chewed his gum.

*********

Toby eased off the bunk and sat as close as possible. He didn‛t touch, but he wanted. He wanted. He needed. Chris didn‛t awake. He should have, and he would have back in Oz, but here, he slept as if he were safe. Toby didn‛t understand it. He studied Chris‛s outstretched hand, tilting his head to get a better look. There was a small scar that Toby knew hadn‛t been there before, and he bit his lower lip. Was it possible? Should he ask? Talking always made it worse. He had learned that the hard way, over and over again. It was better to shut up and let the bad things happen.

"What the hell are you doing?"

Toby had one second to decide whether to bolt to the other end of the cell or try to kiss him. Chris moved faster than that, pushing Toby back. Toby put up his hands and scrambled to get on his bunk. He curled up tight and put the pillow over his head. For some crazy reason, Chris didn‛t want him. The world made less sense than usual.

"Are you okay?" Chris was close.

"You want Dorsey," Toby said fast, breathlessly. "Sorry."

"If that were true, I‛d be the sorry one." Chris‛s voice was soft. "Don‛t worry about it. Go to sleep."

Toby couldn‛t answer. His dick was hard as a rock and he was closer than he‛d ever been to begging for it. He burrowed deeper and banged his head against the wall. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

**********

"Elliot! Report to the shrink!"

Elliot didn‛t think so. He tossed his cards down and went out in the hallway. "Forget that shit!"

More than a few laughed, but the CO didn‛t look amused. "Move it!"

"Damn it!" Elliot didn‛t have to pretend to be pissed off. The CO got tired of waiting and gave him a shove. "All right! I‛m going!"

The CO glared but gave him some space, and he took his own sweet time getting there. When he opened the door, he worked fast to keep the surprise off his face. "Yeah, I‛m here. What?"

The prison shrink pointed at Huang. "Meet Dr. John Huang. He‛s doing a study and would like to interview you."

"No damn way." Elliot flipped his toothpick and sat down in the chair. "Anything else?"

"I‛ll leave you two alone to talk." The prison shrink left, shutting the door quietly.

Huang looked amused. "Glad to see you‛ve got a good attitude about this." He sat down and opened a file. "Tell me everything."

*********

"Dorsey! Head to the shrink!"

Toby put his book down and watched Dorsey protest. Chris came swaggering around the corner, and the COs looked disgusted with all of them.

"What the fuck is going on, Elliot?"

"Some damn shrink is picking our child molesting brains." Chris shrugged. He didn‛t go back to cards. Toby lifted his book as Chris came inside their cell. "Toby, I think you‛re on the list."

"I am not some goddamn, motherfucking, cocksucking child molestor!" Toby slammed his book shut and jumped down. "I was a fucking drunk! You assholes are nothing but a bunch of goddamn perverts!" He wanted to hit him, but the hole was cold this time of year, and it wouldn‛t do any good, and Chris didn‛t like children, not like that, and none of it made sense. Again! And he couldn‛t take it one more minute. He shoved Chris away and bolted into the hallway.

"Crazy Toby is going crazy!"

"Get ‛em!"

Toby ran until they dragged him down and sat on him.

"Hang on!"

Toby struggled until he felt the needle push into his arm. In twenty minutes, he‛d be dead to the world. He went limp. They dragged him up and cuffed him tightly. He saw Chris‛s face as they took him away. Chris? No. Some stupid fucker. Not Chris. Chris had been a good man. That guy was nothing but a perverted baby raper.

"Get him to the hospital. Did he take his meds?"

"Today?"

"Fuck!"

Toby watched the world go by. He didn‛t care. He didn‛t care.

*********

"He went nuts," Elliot said, feeling like a fool.

"Fucker does that. He thinks he‛s so high and mighty ‛cause all he did was hit the kid with his car!" Seaby laughed and others joined in. "‛Course, usually he makes monkey noises."

Elliot felt dirtier than usual, and he hadn‛t thought that was possible. "I think he made himself pretty clear." He couldn‛t go back to the card game after that. Walking to their cell, he picked up Toby‛s book and put it where he liked it. Huang had had good news. Tucker was leaving today, and that would leave Dorsey vulnerable. Elliot had a chance to get tight with him now. The captain was giving him two more weeks and then pulling him. Huang would be Elliot‛s contact until then. He was hoping to get Dorsey so worked up that he‛d make a mistake.

"You still want to bunk here?"

Elliot turned to face the CO. "Why isn‛t he in the pysch ward?"

"It‛s full of the real crazies. Beecher is usually quiet." The CO shrugged. "He‛ll be in the hospital tonight, but back in the morning. They‛ll dope him up but good. You can move in with Dorsey, if you want."

"Let me think about it." Elliot saw another CO preparing Tucker to ship out. Dorsey looked pissed about it. The CO shrugged and walked on, and Elliot sat down to think it over. Now was his chance, but it would be almost impossible not to kill him, and Toby was the only guy in this place that wasn‛t a dirty perv.

"God damn it!" Dorsey yelled.

Elliot rubbed his face. He didn‛t know what to do.

********

Toby stumbled on the way back to his cell. His feet were disconnected from his brain again. The prison spun around twice before it settled, and he walked or he hoped he was walking. The CO turned him loose.

"Doc wants him in his cell for another day. Deliver his meals."

"Shit."

"Crazy Toby is back!"

Toby saw his book and went for it. He held it tight to his chest and stared up at the ceiling. Blurry. It was all blurry, but he remembered.

"Toby, you doing all right?"

It was Greg Elliot, the new pervert on the block, and Toby hated him. No matter whose skin he wore, he was a child molestor, and Toby would like to see them all dead.

"Fuck him, Elliot. We gonna do business or what?"

"Yeah. Don‛t wanta get shanked is all."

"I got an empty bunk."

Toby rolled to face the wall. He opened the book and put it over his face. The black and white colors ran together and he didn‛t know what was worse: the truth or the lies or the truthful lies. All the people he‛d trusted were gone or dead, or dead and gone. The words meant less than nothing now, and he wouldn‛t bother with them again. Chris would understand. He‛d hated words too. They never said what they meant, and they twisted around like snakes in the grass.

"God, he‛s fucked up."

"I think he‛s saner than he lets on."

Toby giggled but didn‛t move. He would take care of Greg Elliot tonight, after the lights went out.

*********

Elliot saw the look in Toby‛s eyes. That wasn‛t sanity peeking out, and the giggling was more than creepy. Moving was dangerous, but it looked like staying put was also.

"Lunch! Move it!" The lunch horn rang. Elliot was sick to death of chicken nuggets, but he went, mainly to get away from the cell. He‛d lift weights this afternoon. It didn‛t look like Toby would be leaving the cell today, and Elliot tried hard not to care.

Dorsey put his tray down by Elliot‛s. "Did you hear where they sent Tucker?"

"Nope." Elliot hoped it was far away. "What‛s up with you and him? Gonna get married in Massachusetts?"

"Very damn funny." Dorsey ate a nugget and grimaced. "I‛ll tell you, but keep your fucking mouth shut."

"Whatever." Elliot shrugged and ate some lettuce. He had to stay calm, but he knew he was about to get something good.

"We‛re cousins," Dorsey said softly. "He and I, well, you know, together. He likes to watch."

Elliot forced a slow grin to break out on his face. "He‛s got your trophies, you smart bastard."

Dorsey looked sly. "Maybe. He‛s got another year. Won‛t be long and we‛ll be back at it."

"Sounds like it." Elliot tried to look admiring. This case had just taken a major turn. He‛d call Olivia as soon as he could get away. He sure as hell couldn‛t eat another bite. "So, you don‛t suck him?"

"Never said that." Dorsey rubbed his nose. "You were gonna get me some blow."

Elliot shook his head. "I look like I got money? All I got is time." He laughed and threw a nugget at Seaby.

*********

Toby ignored the food. He wasn‛t hungry. Slowly caressing the shank in his mattress, he waited for lights out. Killing him was out of the question, but slicing off his balls would work fine. Blaming it on the medication would be easy. He was so stoned.

"Take this!"

Toby fumbled to get it in his mouth, swallowing it and then reaching for the juice. The CO nodded and walked out. Toby threw a nugget at him, but missed. He giggled and lay down flat with one leg hanging off the bed. Shutting his eyes, he wanted to dream of better days, but there were so few of them.

********

"‛Liv, you understand me?" Elliot growled into the phone.

"Got it. Dad might come see you soon." Olivia hung up. Elliot slapped the phone down and got moving. It was almost lock down, and he needed to get moved. He didn‛t want to spend even one night that close to Dorsey, but he didn‛t have a choice now.

Toby was sprawled on his bunk, surrounded with mashed bits of food. Elliot stared and shook his head, but not in disgust. It was more like sympathy. In all his years, he‛d never seen anyone sentenced to maximum security for a DUI. If Toby ever did get out, he‛d go right back to booze. The judge had seen to that. It was a waste of another life.

Elliot sat down and took a reality check. If that had been his dead kid on the pavement, he‛d have wanted Toby to get the needle. He rubbed his face and hated the shades of grey that came standard equipment with this job.

"Lock down! Lock down!"

Elliot got out of the cell fast and grabbed the closest CO by the arm. "You said I could move!"

"Too damn late! What the hell were you doing all day?"

"Waiting on the damn phone!" Elliot squeezed him hard. One second later, he knew that had been a mistake. "Come on!"

The CO jammed the nightstick into Elliot‛s guts. Elliot fell to his knees, gasping for air, as two of them dragged him back to the cell. The door slammed in his face. The laughter was loud, and guys were throwing things, but the problem was Toby‛s grin.

"Lock it down!"

Elliot leaned against the bars and tried to breathe. He had done his job, but it didn‛t mean dick if he didn‛t get out of here alive. Toby was laughing, and Elliot forgot about sleeping tonight. He pulled himself up and got as far away as possible.

"Get ‛em, Toby!" Seaby yelled. "You know you want to!"

Toby threw a nugget and giggled.

"God damn it!" The CO was back. "Beecher! No trouble!"

Elliot picked up some food and threw it at the CO. The hole was safer than this cell. A tray came flying at his head, and he knocked it down. He threw it out the bars as hard as he could and felt the smack of a mushy nugget against his neck.

"Jesus fucking Christ!"

Toby was still giggling like a fool. The whole block was going ape shit, and Elliot dodged the plastic spoon loaded with mashed potatoes that came at him. The cell door opened and the first CO through it slipped and fell on his ass. The chaos went to a new level, and the cop inside him told him to get on his knees and put his hands on his head. Unfortunately, the guy who‛d been in a tiny cell for the last two weeks was in charge, and he caught the orange that Toby threw at him and launched it right back. The splat against the wall was loud, and he grinned even as he was put on the ground by a nightstick. It was the tazer that put paid to him, and he felt his eyeballs bulge.

Elliot howled. He wasn‛t proud of it, but that hurt! When he could see and hear again, he tried breathing.

"Now clean this shit up or you‛re both going to the hole!"

Elliot looked at his cellmate. Toby was collapsed by the toilet. He raised his head and their eyes met. It meant something, but Elliot‛s brain was too fried to figure it out. Elliot staggered up, rubbed his leg, and brushed off some food.

"Okay, okay, I‛ll clean it up." Elliot put up his hands and limped over to Toby. He pulled him to his feet and glared in those crazy eyes. "We‛re done."

Toby leaned against him. The COs backed off a little, and Elliot helped Toby lay down. "How many times did you hit him?"

No one answered, but Elliot could feel him shaking. Elliot put his hands back up. "Can I have a mop?"

"Make him use his tongue!"

Elliot waited. If that was the way they wanted it, the hole would be fine.

********

Toby didn‛t help. Fuck that. He got under Elliot‛s blanket and shut his eyes. So much noise and he hurt. They‛d hurt him this time. It was Elliot‛s fault. Toby clutched his arms. He wasn‛t sure he could shank those blue eyes again. It wasn‛t Chris, but it was close enough.

"Move your ass, Elliot!"

Toby put his hands over his ears and tried to block it all out. Elliot was a baby raper, but he‛d been nice, and they‛d talked, and none of it made any fucking sense.

"Clean this up!"

Toby heard the splash of liquid and knew what Seaby was doing. The filthy pervert. He threw back the blanket and went to help. But later, later he was stuffing that shank in Elliot‛s body. Maybe. The COs didn‛t hurt him again, and when the cell door slammed, he crawled up on his bunk to his book.

"Thanks for your help."

Toby flipped him off.

"Yeah, back at ya."

Toby blinked in remembrance and laughed softly, but he knew it wasn‛t possible that even a bit of Chris was in that pervert. "You got any brothers?"

Elliot threw his shirt in the corner. "Three, yeah."

"I met one of them in Oz. Did you bury him?" Toby wrapped his arms tight around his book and hoped so. "Chris Keller."

"Not ringing a bell. I‛m the only one in my family that‛s loser enough to end up in prison." Elliot was at the sink now, washing his hands. "Why?"

"I thought, maybe, you‛d kill me. It‛s your turn." Toby hated that he‛d hoped for it once or twice. He shouldn‛t be talking, but Elliot listened. Elliot listened.

"I think I‛ll skip it, okay?" Elliot dried his face. "I‛m kicking the crap out of Seaby tomorrow."

Toby was willing to help. He nodded and smiled. "I was going to shank you tonight."

"Change your mind?" Elliot sighed heavily. He didn‛t look worried. Chris never did either.

"Maybe." Toby still might stick it somewhere in him. "Dirty pervert."

Elliot glared but didn‛t answer, and he flopped down on his bunk. Toby opened his book, but he didn‛t try to read. He tried to figure it all out. Everything he‛d seen and heard since Elliot had swaggered down the cellblock. Lies and truths all mixed together, that‛s what it was.

*********

Elliot shut his eyes. He‛d sleep while the lights were on, but he was still too worked up to relax, and he rolled over to stare out the bars. The CO‛s were pacing, the perverts were mostly quiet, and Toby might not shank him, another lovely evening in prison. Hopefully, it would be his last. The hours crept past, and he didn‛t bother trying to read his tattered magazine again. He chewed his last piece of gum and waited for morning.

When Toby jumped down, Elliot was ready. Toby pissed, washed his hands, and brushed his teeth. Elliot waited for him to go back up, but he didn‛t. He squatted down by Elliot‛s bunk.

"Don‛t," Elliot whispered. He didn‛t want to hurt him.

Toby smiled. "It‛s always the truths that trip us up. The lies are so easy, but the truth is hard, and shines a dirty light on all the lies."

"And? This means, what?" Elliot would have sat up, but Toby pulled a shank and showed it to him. He didn‛t even breathe, and he waited one more second.

"You‛re a cop. So many questions, but no answers." Toby slid the shank down his face. "The tattoo, the wife that hated kissing you, the way you always work the conversation around to Dorsey: it all adds up to one thing. And I may be nuts, but I‛m a crackerjack at math."

Elliot shook his head, glad that Toby was talking so very softly and mumbling. "Go back to your bunk."

"Can I blow you?" Toby handed him the shank. "You‛ll like it."

"No damn way." Elliot pushed him away and they stood face to face. "No."

Toby seemed to sigh and then he shrugged. "I didn‛t think so. We‛ll see how long you last." He stepped around him and went up on his bunk. Elliot started breathing again. He was screwed, but he was alive for now. Hiding the shanks, he lay flat and tried to make a plan. He had to get out of here, in the morning, before Toby told anyone.

*********

Toby waited and waited. He knew it would happen, and it did. Quiet as a ghost, he slid down and sat to watch him. Elliot didn‛t have much time left here, and when he was gone, Toby would fall silent again.

*********

"I want him out. Now!" Cragen yelled, but it wouldn‛t do any good. These things didn‛t happen overnight. It would probably be noon before Elliot was safe, and that wasn‛t soon enough. "Call the warden, but get him to a safe location."

"We‛re on it," Fin said. "Don‛t worry, Cap."

Cragen thought that was the dumbest thing he‛d heard all year. Worrying was his job.

*********

Elliot woke with a jerk. "Asshole," he hissed at the nutball by his bed.

"Slut," Toby said and grinned. "Slutty McSlutslut."

"You ain‛t finding out," Elliot snapped and got up fast. Toby stretched and lay back flat on the floor. Elliot felt like a dumbass. He‛d stayed awake for days, but last night, when it had counted, he‛d dropped off like a baby. "Stupid."

Toby laughed. He was close enough to kick, and Elliot was tempted.

"Dorsey, your lawyer is here. Get moving!"

Elliot made sure not to look at him. Toby eased up and slid close. "Did he tell you where his stash of souvenirs is?"

Elliot knew his eyes widened. He pulled Toby even closer and whispered in his ear, "No, and shut the hell up."

Toby wrapped his arms around Elliot‛s neck. Elliot almost shoved him down, but he held himself still. The information was more important than anything, and Toby might have it.

"You boys gonna fuck or go to breakfast?" The CO growled.

Elliot pulled Toby‛s arms down. "Breakfast." He started walking, but Toby stayed with him, and finally their hands intertwined. He pulled Toby into the only spot where they could talk a minute before a CO would yell at them.

"What do you know?" he demanded, but softly.

Toby pressed his body against him. Elliot didn‛t like it, of course, but he had to do it, and his body had been without so long it didn‛t care that Toby was a guy. That had to be all it was. Toby kissed up Elliot‛s neck. "They have an RV."

Elliot didn‛t believe it. "We searched every vehicle, and he doesn‛t own an RV."

"They‛re smart perverts. Very smart." Toby nibbled on Elliot‛s jaw. "You‛ll have to find it by using their addresses and backtracking. They have pseudonyms. I suspect it‛s in Jersey somewhere."

"How do you know?" Elliot wasn‛t sure whether to believe him or not.

"I don‛t sleep all that much." Toby flashed a grin. He ran his hands up and down. Elliot gasped softly and tried not to press back into him.

"Move your asses!" The CO yanked Toby off him and shoved them both towards the cafeteria. "Faggots!"

Elliot and Toby got their trays together and sat down. Toby scooted even closer. "You could also track it through their driver‛s license number or social security."

"Shut up. I know!" Elliot hissed. He put his hand over Toby‛s mouth. "Go back to being crazy."

Toby pulled the hand down and smiled. "Okay. Sorry."

Elliot rubbed his face and ate a pancake. He tried to ignore the man pressing against him, but it wasn‛t possible. They both finished fast. "Gym?"

Toby shrugged. "I gotta go back, or they‛ll come after me."

"Really?" Elliot walked with him, and sure enough, the CO on the block put his hand on Toby‛s shoulder and took him to the officer‛s station. Toby was back fast. He went right in their cell and spat something out into the toilet after a quick look. Elliot rolled onto his bunk and stretched. "Meds?"

"Fuck that." Toby crawled up over Elliot. "I need some sleep."

Elliot laughed softly in agreement. "I gotta get to the phone."

"It‛s Wednesday. No phone today." Toby‛s hand reached down. "You could send for the warden."

"Smartass." Elliot looked at the hand for a long minute before grasping it. "You ever getting out of here?"

"Don‛t think so. Too crazy now." Toby‛s voice was soft. "Go home soon."

"I will." Elliot didn‛t think Toby was crazy. Hurt, yes, and sad, but not crazy. "You too."

********

"I want him now."

The warden got to his feet. "Because of the cellblock he‛s in, I‛m not willing to turn him loose without you personally identifying him."

"He has a bracelet!" Cragen couldn‛t believe this.

"They get switched between prisoners. It happens. I‛m not turning a pervert loose." The warden crossed his arms. "Go get him, and he‛s free to leave."

"The commissioner is going to hear about this." Cragen turned his back on the fool. "Fin, let‛s move."

********

"You rat bastard!"

Elliot got up fast, before he was completely awake, but Toby was there first, getting in front of him. Dorsey lashed out once, twice, and Elliot tried to grab him, but the cell was small, and they all tangled together as Toby took him to the floor.

"You fucker! I‛ll kill you!"

The CO‛s rang the horn, men were coming on the run, but it wasn‛t soon enough and Elliot made a desperate grab for Dorsey. Toby stiffened but grabbed the arm and broke it. Dorsey howled and Elliot caught Toby as he slumped to the side.

"Hang on," Elliot whispered in Toby‛s ear and slammed his knee into Dorsey‛s chest.

"Off! Off! Get down! Get down!"

"Elliot!"

Elliot gently put Toby down flat. The shank was stuck deep, but pulling it wasn‛t an option. He‛d bleed out. Elliot bellowed, "Get a bus!"

"In here?" Fin slapped Elliot on the shoulder. "But yeah, let‛s get him to the hospital."

Elliot didn‛t spare more than a glance for Dorsey. "Throw that dirtbag in the hole."

Cragen caught Elliot around the shoulders. "Did he get you?"

"No. Toby." Elliot grabbed Fin. "Help him."

"Alert the hospital!"

There was confusion, but Cragen smoothed the way, and Elliot didn‛t leave Toby‛s side until they made him.

"Your cellie?" Fin asked.

"Yeah." Elliot had to sit down a minute. "Dorsey was trying to kill me."

"Figured that." Fin sat down next to him.

Cragen stood close. He didn‛t look happy. "Let‛s get you out of here."

Elliot almost rubbed his face, but there was blood on his hands. He stood and looked Cragen in the eye. "Captain, I have to know he‛s okay."

"We‛ll stay in contact." Cragen nodded. "You have to make a full report. This isn‛t over."

Elliot took a deep breath. "Get his file so I can call his family and we‛ll leave."

Fin nodded. "On it. I‛ll meet you at the car."

"We‛re leaving by way of the warden‛s office. Come on." Cragen put his hand under Elliot‛s elbow, and Elliot went with him, but he was more right than he knew. This wasn‛t over.

********

"Toby?"

Toby gasped once, sat halfway up, and fell back. The only sound he could make wasn‛t a word. He grabbed for Angus‛s hand and held him tight.

"Relax. Breathe." Angus moved over him and tried to help. Toby felt the tear trace down his face, but it was pain.

"He‛s awake? Good."

"He‛s obviously hurting."

_Angus was really here?_

"I‛m giving him something now."

Toby felt the needle in his thigh and hoped it worked fast. He licked his lips. "Is Elliot okay?" he whispered.

Angus frowned. "The cop who called me? He‛s fine. Don‛t talk."

"Love you." Toby let the dark and the pain drag him down again. If he were lucky, he‛d see Chris in heaven today.

********

"So, this perv, Beecher, he saved your ass?"

Elliot slapped his hand down on his desk. "He‛s not a perv! He was a DUI. Killed a little girl, and they put him in that unit because the Nazis were trying to kill him."

"Now it makes sense," Munch said dryly. "But, he did take a shank that had your name on it?"

"Yes." Elliot would agree that it was a screwed-up situation. "He hates pervs as much as I do."

"Is that possible?" Olivia asked. She handed him another piece of pizza. "Is he dead?"

Fin shook his head. "Doctor I talked to said it punctured his lung, but he‛s gonna make it."

Elliot took a bite. He‛d never really appreciated how good pizza was until today. Pizza and a shower with no other guys in it. He had talked to Toby‛s brother and the situation was as crazy as Toby had acted. If anyone deserved to be insane, it was him.

"Hey, El, you listening?"

"No. Sorry." Elliot focused on Munch. "What?"

"Dorsey and Tucker both pled to twenty-five to life. No early parole."

"They sure as hell better be in separate prisons this time." Elliot would make sure of it. "They enjoyed each other‛s company a little too much, if ya know what I mean."

Fin made a nasty face. "They‛re cousins!"

"Third, on their mother‛s side." Munch grimaced. "Still. Just wrong."

Olivia didn‛t even comment. Her face said it all. Elliot finished his pizza and got to his feet. He wanted to go home, but he had to get shrunk and putting it off was stupid.

"Elliot, after you see Huang, take a couple of days to get your head on straight," Cragen said. He handed the clipboard back to a uniformed cop. "That‛s an order."

"Okay." Elliot was going to go hug his kids. It had been four days since Toby had been shanked, and Elliot had slept in the crib each night. Every morning he‛d looked for Toby before getting up. Some time away was a good idea. He picked up Toby‛s file and headed for Huang‛s office.

*********

"I‛m sorry, Mr. Beecher, you have to go."

Toby saw the thunder on Angus‛s face, and it reminded him of their father. "Angus, go on. Don‛t get in trouble because of this." He knew he sounded weak, but it was all the voice he had. "Please."

"Go ahead, Angus. I‛ll be with him for the rest of today."

Toby couldn‛t believe his eyes. Or his ears. It had to be a lie. Lies were what he was used to, what he liked.

"And here‛s a copy of his transfer papers. If you have any concerns, contact me."

"He can‛t move in his condition!" Angus grabbed the papers.

"I‛ve arranged for an ambulance. Don‛t worry." Elliot grinned. "Trust me."

Toby curled his hand hard around the bar to keep from reaching for him. "Angus, trust him, but read the fine print."

Elliot chuckled, and Angus kissed Toby on the forehead. "I‛ll see you upstate."

Toby smiled, and Angus was escorted out. Elliot pulled up a chair, turned it around, and sat down. He was chewing gum, of course. "You ready to go?"

"Anywhere but back to perv block one." Toby was having a hard time looking at him.

Elliot patted him on the arm. "You sound like hell. Shut up, and I‛ll get you moved."

Toby grabbed him tight. "Why? You don‛t care. Don‛t pretend," he whispered harshly.

"I do care. Not much. But some." Elliot grinned. Toby was lost in that smile. Whatever he was thinking was gone in a blink. He looked almost desperately for a trace of Chris, but saw nothing. Elliot wasn‛t him. Toby squeezed Elliot‛s arm but didn‛t say anything else.

"Okay! Let‛s get organized!"

Toby let his hand fall away. He prayed this was nothing but misplaced gratitude that would soon fade, because even a tease of something else would hurt worse than a shank.

Elliot took Toby‛s hand again. "This might hurt."

"Life is like that." Toby held on tightly. "My pictures?"

"I got them. Don‛t worry."

"Detective, you have to get the hell out of the way."

Toby laughed softly as Elliot did what they said. It did hurt, but Elliot was close, and he sat down next to him in the ambulance.

"The cuffs too tight?"

Toby shook his head no. He was tired from it all, and he was ashamed. Elliot held Toby‛s hand.

"He‛ll wake up in the land of Oz, like Dorothy."

Toby surged up, using all his strength to do it. He had trusted, trusted, and he was a fucking fool. "No!" he yelled, fighting the cuffs.

Elliot bore him back down and practically lay on top of him. "The idiot was trying to be funny. We‛re not going to Oz. You have my word."

Toby couldn‛t seem to breathe. He looked deep in Elliot‛s blue eyes and everything started fuzzing out.

"Not sure he‛s breathing."

"I‛ll get a mask on him."

"Toby!"

*********

Toby was awake, but he didn‛t want to be. He hurt all over and images of Chris laughing at him were skipping through his mind.

"You awake, Toby?"

Elliot‛s voice jolted Toby into the now. He wasn‛t in Oz. He was- "Where the hell am I?"

"Lyon County Correctional Facility in Upstate New York." Elliot pushed Toby‛s hair back out of his eyes. "Minimum security."

Toby had never heard of it. "You‛re not staying, right?"

"No. I gotta get back to work." Elliot sounded amused. "The doc says you‛re gonna be fine. You think you can handle this?"

"Dunno." Toby didn‛t. He stared up at Elliot and was caught in those blue eyes. "Thanks for this."

Elliot grabbed him by the hand. "Thanks for saving my ass." His eyes twinkled. "Dorsey is staying in prison. I‛m thinking he needs to go to Oz."

Toby was pleased to hear it. He coughed, winced, and didn‛t even attempt to sit up. "I‛m glad you weren‛t a pervert."

"A ringing endorsement of my character." Elliot squeezed Toby‛s hand. "Get well. I may drop in occasionally. Your pictures are under your pillow, and your brother will be in to see you soon."

"Thank you." Toby was so grateful, but those were only words he had. "Thanks."

Elliot grinned and was gone. Toby cradled his hand where Elliot had touched him and shut his eyes. He could do this. Minimum security couldn‛t be that tough, and he had some hope now that he‛d go home.

*********

The days were all the same, except the evenings were different, and he cautiously settled into the routine, waiting for the rug to be pulled out from underneath him, but nothing happened.

"Hey, Beecher, you gonna eat that?"

Toby pushed his tray over to him. "Nah. Are you going to the meeting tonight?"

"Yeah. Sucks."

"Could be worse." Toby had done worse for years. He still couldn‛t quite wrap his mind around everything that had happened, but the pyschologist said not to worry about it that an adjustment period was normal.

"Head for the buses!"

Toby dumped his tray, took a long stretch, and filed into the loading area with everyone else. It‛d be a busy day, but he‛d never complain. Never. He took a deep breath of the fresh air and enjoyed the ride. No one else did, but they hadn‛t been where he had. Taking his bucket and brush, he followed Jerome and they worked together on the far wall.

It was a sunny day, warm, and sweat trickled down the back of his neck, but he didn‛t mind. He was outside, and he was alive, and no one was fucking with him.

"Beecher, you got a visitor!"

Toby put everything down and turned. He walked quickly, almost falling, and cursed his own stupidity. "Elliot?"

"Who else?" Elliot grinned, and it was him. "How‛s it going?"

"I‛m outside." Toby felt like an idiot for stating the obvious, but it was important. "Thanks. Did I say thanks?"

"Yeah." Elliot shrugged. He motioned for Toby to follow him, and they stepped away from the guard into the shade. "You taking your meds?"

Toby groaned. He didn‛t want to talk about that. "You taking yours?"

"Smartass. You got a parole hearing coming soon. Don‛t screw it up by throwing nuggets at them." Elliot‛s eyes glinted. He looked so good.

Toby laughed softly. "Most fun I ever had in prison. Right up until they tazered our asses." He wanted to touch him, but wouldn‛t. "I won‛t screw up. I‛m better. Not great, but better."

"Don‛t quit now." Elliot slapped him on the shoulder. Toby knew their time was up. He swallowed hard and couldn‛t find words. It was more than gratitude, but there was no way to tell him. Elliot leaned closer. "When you get out, look me up. We‛ll have dinner."

"Really?" Toby liked that lie.

Elliot nodded. "Hey, I owe ya one. Okay, get back to work. That school ain‛t painting itself."

"Okay. And thanks. You ever need a snitch, I‛m your man." Toby backed away slow, wanting so much more, but knowing that it wasn‛t possible. Elliot smiled again and was quickly gone, driving away in an unmarked police car. Toby went back to his paint.

"Who the hell was that?" Jerome asked.

Toby wasn‛t sure he could talk about it. It was private. "We were at Rikers together. I gave him a hand. I think he was checking up on me."

"Looked like a cop to me."

"You think so? He never said." Toby got back to work. He was going home again, but whether or not he‛d call Elliot was another thing entirely. Elliot probably didn‛t understand what he did to Toby. How could he? Toby didn‛t get it. He just knew that he cared too much, and it always led to a bad place. Chris, ironically, would understand that perfectly.

*********

"Uncle Angus?"

"Yes, Holly?" Angus continued straightening his tie. He had to look perfect.

"Will you bring Dad home today?"

Angus turned to her now, sweeping her into a hug. "I hope so, Holly. I promise you that I‛ll do my best."

"I know you will."

*********

Elliot changed his mind three times, but it was Cragen that made it up the last time for him.

"Get over to that parole hearing this afternoon."

Elliot didn‛t pretend to misunderstand. "Are you sure?"

"I reviewed his case, and I‛d like you to go. If you don‛t want to, I won‛t mention it again." Cragen looked up from his paperwork now. "I‛ll go."

"I‛ll do it." Elliot was relieved, but he tried not to show it. Cragen nodded, and Elliot went out to his desk. It wasn‛t that he didn‛t want to go. It was just that he remembered Toby‛s lips on him very clearly, and he shouldn‛t. Toby had looked good that day by the school. Elliot wished he hadn‛t noticed. He was a cop, and that wasn‛t a choice he could make. Rubbing his forehead, he wondered how many other cops had thought that same thing.

"Elliot, you want some backup today?" Fin asked, soft and low.

Elliot looked at him before answering. "Why would you do that?"

"I saw some of it." Fin shrugged. "You never said, but did he know you were a cop?"

"Yeah. He did." Elliot still didn‛t understand how Toby had figured it out. "Sure. Ride along."

"Good." Fin started clearing his desk. "I okayed it with the captain already."

Elliot chuckled softly.

*********

"Parole granted." The words rang in Toby‛s head as he stared down at the bed that was his - in his mother‛s house - but his, and he was supposed to sleep here tonight.

"Toby, you okay?"

Toby turned and smiled to put his brother at ease. "Not really. I keep thinking I‛m going to wake up."

"You will, in the morning, right here where you belong." Angus came over and hugged him. "Tomorrow, we‛ll find you a psychiatrist."

"No." Toby pulled away and made a slicing motion with his hand. "I‛ve been shrunk and shrunk some more." He saw a stubborn look on his brother‛s face and he matched it. "Angus, no."

Angus ducked his head. "Fine. I trust you. Oh, I have something for you." He fished around in his coat pocket and pulled out a business card.

Toby took it, afraid to look, but he did, and he struggled to control his emotions. "Guess I owe him one."

"Funny, that‛s what he said." Angus shrugged and patted Toby on the shoulder. "Get some rest. The kids get up early."

"Does the horn ring at five around here?" Toby smiled. He sat on the bed and stared at the card. When he looked up, Angus was gone. The card said Elliot Stabler. Toby put his head in his hands and rubbed his scalp. He put the card on the night stand and resolved not to look at it again until he felt saner. It might be a while.

*********

Elliot never rushed into things. It didn‛t pay. He was willing to wait and then wait some more, but he was starting to get annoyed. Toby should‛ve called. It wasn‛t as if Elliot was asking him out on a date or anything stupid like that. Elliot paused. Was he? He suddenly wasn‛t sure. Well, it could wait. Toby needed time to adjust.

*********

It took a private detective to get to the bottom of the mystery, but Toby didn‛t give up until he got there. He didn‛t tell anyone and he wouldn‛t. It was his obsession, and finding the last clue that made it all make sense was deeply gratifying.

Chris Keller and Elliot Stabler were cousins. They might not have known it, but they were. Elliot‛s father had had a twin brother, and that brother had spread his seed far and wide. Chris‛s father, who wasn‛t the sperm donor, had run off because of it. No surprise there. Toby put his hands on the documents and was remarkably relieved. He wasn‛t crazy. They were family.

Chris had thought he had no one, and it was strangely comforting to know that bits of Chris‛s DNA were out there amidst a large family. Elliot might not like it, but Toby had no intention of telling him. This information was between him and Chris.

"Heaven‛s the only option now," Toby whispered. He gathered up the papers and put them in a manila envelope. "Though Hell‛s more likely."

*********

"Elliot, you got a visitor," Fin said and pointed with his chin.

"Thanks." Elliot got up, blinked in surprise, and almost sat back down. He didn‛t rush over there. It gave him time to take in the suit, the glasses, and the haircut. "Hey."

Toby stuck out his hand. "I wanted to stop by and thank you and Detective Tutuola for coming to my parole hearing."

Elliot took the hand and squeezed. "Seemed like the least I could do, since you took a shank meant for me." He searched Toby‛s face for any trace of the craziness but only saw a man. "You doing okay?"

"Yes. Thank you." Toby took his hand back and went to speak to Fin. Elliot watched and there was only one conclusion to draw: Toby was fulfilling what he saw as an obligation, nothing else. Cragen came out of his office and spoke with Toby for a few minutes. Elliot felt tongue-tied and more stupid than usual. He had thought, but he‛d been wrong, and he wondered now at Toby‛s motivations.

Toby came back to him and met his eyes. "Thanks again."

"You‛re welcome." Elliot didn‛t like what he was seeing or feeling. "Was it all a game for you?"

"It was the worst kind of reality." Toby narrowed his eyes. "Here."

Elliot took his business card back and quit trying. "Good luck."

Toby nodded and left without another word. Elliot crumpled the card and shoved it in his jean pocket. He‛d been a damn idiot. Again. When would he learn to stop reaching out to people? And in prison? He‛d lost his mind. Crazy Elliot was more like it. He sat down hard and stared at his computer screen.

"Seems like a nice guy," Fin said. "You sure he was nuts?"

Elliot shrugged, but didn‛t answer. He wasn‛t sure of anything now. Impulsively, he dug out Toby‛s file. He hated loose ends. Toby had expected Elliot to kill him. Why? Elliot settled back in his chair to figure it out. It didn‛t mean he‛d call him or see him. He just wanted to know, and then he'd forget about it.

*********  
End of Part 1

Author‛s note: Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking can be purchased at amazon.com


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